Hollywood's Biggest Night...

Last night, like most of the country (and apparently India), I wasted four hours and watched the Oscars.  "Hollywoods Biggest Night" began with endless hours of red carpet interviews on the E! Channel.  The highlight of the "pre-show", which began at 3 pm- only 4 and half hours before the main event, was Jay Manuel's Glamaramacam (who knows), where he proceeded to draw blue lines all over everyone and anything that walked down the runway.  Jay- we can see the 45-carat emerald earrings on Angelina's neck, thats kinda the point of them being so big.  I must admit at certain points, I thought I was watching a Bridal trunk show- what was with all the long white wedding dresses?  

After watching Ryan Seacrest's awkward interview moments with Brad Pitt- who clearly wants nothing to do with him and with the kids from Slumdog Millionaire- where one of them informed Ryan that the little one doesnt speak English, it was time for the night to begin.  (At this point, I was already over the entire event.) 

The night got off to a high note, Hugh Jackman's (wearing enough bronzer to cover the front row) opening skit was funny; I mean who doesnt like a people dancing in spandex.  And then it got boring. I mean I wasnt winning an award and I certainly didnt care about who was winning the sound mixer Oscar.  (Side note: At this point of the evening, we were alerted that someone was having crazy sex down the hall by a friend who left the Oscar bash.  Hearing this, the entire part- all 4 of us, ran down the hall to proceed to listen at the door of the apt.  What fun it is living like rats in apartment buildings!  Whatever was going on in that apartment was award-winning.)

A highlight of the night for me was watching Sophia Loren present the best actress Oscar- she looked like a hot tranny mess that worked at a second-rate gay bar.  Her wig was off center and her make-up looked as though Jay Manuel drew it on with his blue pen.  I could see the terror in Kate Winslets' face as she leaned in to kiss that caked on face.  

For the winners, this night will change their lives; however it did nothing for mine.  I do hope that Brad and Angelina adopt those Slumdog Millionaire kids- doesnt seem fair to go from the Kodak Stage back to the slums.  Might be a good subject matter for the documentary winner?

I look forward to watching E!'s coverage of the red carpet for the next week- I mean lets face it, although boring, its addicting.  Who doesnt like to watch a bunch of queens pick apart the stars and what they were wearing.  Lets hope Jay leaves his Glamaramacam pen on the red carpet.

Clean it up kids,

Dan