I practically grew up with 50% of my graduating class, as we all attended elementary and middle school together. I attended Eisenhower Elementary while the other half of my friends attending Blanch Forman Elementary. It was a bit like West Side Story- those that went to Eisenhower thought those that went to Forman were trash (I mean who even knows who "Blanch Forman" is- Eisenhower...thats a president).
In elementary school, I was taught hot to snort cocaine with breadcrumbs and a juice box straw. My mother was not thrilled when I demonstrated this act at the dinner table. Billy Ford taught me that life tip- he also vomited on my mother while she was helping out in the classroom. Im sure she was again less than thrilled, those Unit's numbers were not cheap. Middle school was marked by a series of brawls between the dominating girls of the 7th and 8th Grade. It wasnt uncommon to see weave being pulled out and thrown in the air. What an education I received. There were also the bomb threats, the math building which was covered in asbestos (my math tutor died as a result) and those S.A.D.D presentations (Students Against Drunk Driving). Who didnt love presentations in the auditorium, great for making plans regarding where you were going to drink that weekend.
High School meant that you were finally the big-shots at Nova. By the time I entered high school, Nova was renamed The Nova Center for Applied Research and Professional Development, Main Campus- one would think that I was graduating from Harvard with a degree in Physics. To be considered one of the "cool kids" you had a parking spot in the front- with crappy graffiti all over (mine read "Popular Club") and you sat on the bench outside the Science Building. Senior year meant AP Classes, Internships and well for me- 3 totaled cars (Ill discuss later in another blog).
One of my favorite classes was Debate, which really was a cover for an extensive money laundering scheme. As part of our grade, we had to sell a certain number of candy bars, cheesecakes, donuts or those annoying 15 pound coupon books. While in class one day my friend Melissa and I, in a sugar rage- raided the "candy closet"; this closet was basically the entire candy aisle of Costco. This operation was run by our debate coach- a slim 220 pound 5'5 woman.
Other highlights of senior year- lunch. At Nova, you were able to go out for lunch in high school. Now all the jews went to Bagelmania- which was far enough from school that you were only able to get the bagel and egg plater if you were the first 3 in line and a bagel with cream cheese if you were anywhere after that number. Of course it was cool to pretend that you were in the Indy 500 to get there first. My mother, of course was totally against this "open lunch" for fear of accidents- none of my three totaled cars were during lunch.
Every year concluded with the standard yearbook and a video yearbook. The yearbook was boring- and no one ever looked good. I look like an uptight reject from Gossip Girl. The video yearbook now that was something- it basically made my school look like Dangerous Minds meets Clueless. One moment you were watching the Step Team (very competitive) the next you were watching Seniors Painting there parking spots (with a plethora of new Acura's, Honda's and SUV's in the background). I would still watch this video but who owns a VHS player anymore?
So 10 years later, I am sent an email asking for my help (I was on the class board) with our reunion. Reflecting back on my fond memories of high school and prior, I have little desire to reconnect with my peers. Lets be honest, Facebook has taken the excitement out of seeing anyone in person. Why do I need to see anyone in person, when I can see their pictures, status and relationship status at a moments notice? I have learned that while I dont think that I have changed, time has not been good to my peers; there is hair loss, weight gain and I think a couple of divorces. Ill stick to being single and unemployed. I would however, like to thank Billy Ford for his tips in elementary school...but I forgot, he didnt graduate.
Clean it up kids,
Dan
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