Food Stamps...

In an attempt to cure my boredom and break up my day (wake up, cheerios, job search, Facebook, job search, gym, drink, dinner, drink), I had the brilliant idea to see if I could qualify for food stamps. According to the website, it seemed that I would certainly be a prime candidate- bottom line is that my $405 weekly unemployment check didnt cover my rent.  So, how could NY State possibly think that I could afford to pay my Equinox Gym membership ($170 per month) AND food, ConEd and rent.

I headed over to the offices (which are conveniently located on 14th Street) and sat patiently in a waiting room with a interesting mix of people.  After waiting about 45 min, I was approached by a gentleman who told me that I should go to the 8th floor, and I could walk out today with my food stamps (which is really like a debt card) immediately.  He then proceeded to tell me that B.B. King taught him how to play the piano and trumpet and he was on tour with him when he was a young child.  I sat there terrified and wondered how he could actually eat, considering he had no teeth.

After about an hour and a half wait, I met with a man who took some basic information, and told me to come back the following day for my interview.  I asked if I needed to wear a suit- he didnt laugh.  

Escorted into a private room, I was to wait for my interviewer to come and get me.  I asked if they had wireless internet and the security guard looked at me and walked away.  While waiting for my interview, I witnessed a reunion.  Two cellmates ran into each other and proceeded to retell stories from jail.  He told his friend that him and his new wife, were going to apply separately, because "shit, you dont know when she is running out on me."  Scared for my life, my name was called at the right time....I collected my iphone, mac, Prada jacket and got the hell out of there.

Interview time.  After the standard background questions, I was asked when my last meal was (Starbucks iced venti coffee with skim milk and sugar free vanilla and one of those turkey bacon egg sandwiches) and how much money I had in my wallet ($8).  He then reviewed my list of things that I pay for each month- I mentioned the standard bills and thought it was wise to leave out the fact that I frequent restaurants, bars and Pinkberry (that can really start adding up) way too often. He sat in silence, unamused.  Then he asked me if I was getting an inheritance.  "I dont know?  I mean I hope I am- my parents are in there early 60's?  How is this relevant to my situation now?" The interviewer, "so, I'll just put no" (I hope he doesnt know something that I dont).  

With that the interview ended and I was shuffled over to get fingerprinted and my picture taken.  I asked the two ladies if I should smile and then thought that I am supposed to look hungry and depressed.  No smile.

To date, I am still waiting to see if I qualify for food stamps.  You will be happy to learn that you can use the card at Whole Foods.  Unlike, B.B. King's prodigy, I didnt qualify for the emergency card...

Clean it up kids,

Dan